Thursday, 7 June 2012

The Beginner's Soul.

This is not the first time I'm planning to write. Every time, like every other thing, I leave this incomplete too. Why is it so hard to finish what you began? Have had wrong timings at probably everything.
Past left behind, it was my new year's resolution to be better in terms of what I think.
Bitching. This is one thing that has got me behind everything.
I plan to find a way out of it.
Working big times on health issues. Not bad at Academics too. A li'l bit of writing going up too.
Waiting desperately for these fuckin' vacations to end. They screw up my head too bad.
After everything that  has happened, every one I've screwed things up to, I really want a clear and better way up. Letting myself down seems like an everyday thing, giving Justifications that's the worst. I fuckin' do it every day. Screwed up Head.
I really wana do better than this. I can.
At CLAT, I screwed it again. Nevermind, I continue to be where I am.
But these tonnes of 'neverminds' have been the fuckin' reason I can't make it up to myself. Just too much below the level of expectations.

With another Nevermind, I've gota kick start it again.
With other plans (Hoping not to fail like always) to screw up.
With nothing else but a blank brain.
I've gota prepare for UPSCs to come up after the 4 years. Not another thing to screw up.
I've had JEE, EEE blah blah blahs screwed up.
and whereever I made it, I didn't go.
ended up here, once and for all.
One year of my life just got burried in no-where. After someone very close died, I had decided that no matter what I do, I wouldn't end up in here. and here I am, no where but here.
What followed was worse.. These years, 2010, 2011 and 2012 probably brought out the worst in me.
No matter what I did, felt like I was being blamed for it.
My love for cooking stood nowhere.
Regrets apart.
I plan to write it off.. all along.. all my stupid gestures..regrets.. failures.. that's how I fight it off.. I leave it somewhere.. or at rather Dump it.. so here it is... The Shit Space to move on for me.

7 comments:

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  6. At this time I am going to do my breakfast, later than having my breakfast coming yet again to read
    more news.

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  7. thatz okay , when I see back my life I feel like how you feel.

    ReplyDelete