Thursday, 5 July 2012

The Blood of Silence.

It flows down in me, the blood of my Grampa, the one who didn't speak much.
I am practically in the worst stance at the moment. Don't know where did I pick this up from. Now, it has become difficult for me to look into the eyes of people. I prefer looking at the ceiling or walls or the floor. I'm scared to look them in the eye. Anyone and Everyone. They scare me. All of them.
Not just that, I prefer my own self over company. It is becoming evident now.
Not that I was this kind of a person, I was someone who used to love company; infact I had to have people all around me all the time.
This ended somewhere until I got here.
Now, I like silence, even when it sometimes pains in the mouth after keeping mum for like hours.
I am not much of a TV person either, more of a reader.
These days, the definition of me is changing again.
Somehow, I've started to like this person.
But, sometimes I find myself in the wrong positions. Like when I'm in company, especially of those I know, I hate being there. I can't think straight then, all that's running in my head is when is the next moment alone. I end up suggesting wrong stuff or giving wrong answers, despite knowing the right ones.
This turn is not good. I'm practically impractical to a lot of them. They end up thinking like I have lost focus in my life. Doesn't bother me, but I prefer being without everyone, than being with any one at all.
This sounds a little anti-social, but this part of me is the best of every one I've been.
From being the outspoken, loud, hasty, loving person, I'm now a pervert, low esteemed, understated, quite, sit in the corner types. Except for my sister, I don't practically talk myself out to anyone. This leaves me with lesser friends and foes both. Quite Sober.
I think I'd like to stay this person. :) Atleast until I find someone else to be!

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