Saturday, 27 October 2012

Along the Highway.

Tracing my steps along the highway, one thought kept perching my head throughout.
What Now.
I've never felt so untracked up as I feel now.
The sole source of my plan was him, S.
My life hovered around him in possibly every sense. No matter how sound I sound, my plan-less-ness makes me scared to death.
The reason is because he was the reason for everything. I had planned down my entire life to be spent with him, doing this Now that he's no more, I'm more than just Direction-less.
There seems an illusion in my head as to what next.
I was someone who planned everything beforehand alongside him.
The worst was, I had never driven on the highway without him right by my side. Now, when I do, I feel like I'm playing a game with death. Not only I suck at it, I can't even take in the thought of doing it without him.
Insanity has started to reign in my head for every nostalgic reason.
At the moment, this feeling makes me feel cracked up.
I miss his existence.
I have no clue as to what am I searching for NOW.

From Purple Lover to Purple Assassin.

From where this begins, it seems like a long story. I chose to be happy. To be content with whatever comes my way. And gradually this started meaning- loving everything, hoping for nothing, keeping zeroed expectations, bestowing self-less love, remembering the happy things, leaving behind every reason that made me feel low, and trusting God.
After going through times where S died, and everything, I was pulled down to a phase where nothing made sense, and everything was too fragile to deal with. This phase was the Purple Lover's time. The one who failed to understand the reasonlessness needed in this pretty world.
Now that she had failed to know the truths and the right ways to be dealing with them, she needed a total replacement.
So, I threw her away trading the nothingness for The Purple Assassin.
The Purple Assassin is a person who doesn't need reasons to do favors, or to be good around. She is this happy person, who faces the worst of times in the most happiest ways by dillusioning me. Somehow, this person is perfect to be. She traded my sorrows and hard times for better thoughts. And even defeat started sounding perfect to me.
Now that there's nothing left that can pull me down, I've kept this savior assassin for ever. And this purple assassin's gonna do all the problem solving now. 'cause there are better things for me to deal with. :)
Toast to the new me (The Purple Assassin) and to being happy for no reason.
To laughing like the laughter of a child, without a thought of what's in store for tomorrow.
To new beginnings.
To newer dreams.
To better realities.
To Loving.
To being Purple.
To The Purple Assassin. :D