I have a plan of consecutive trips going on and off incessantly, so that I run out of times of confrontations with self.
I boarded off to Jodhpur in the first go, stayed there for 10 days, returned.. spent a few days at home..followed by a few days at the hostel of college.. then boarded for Pune.. stayed there for a day.. then Dharwad, Karnataka.. then back to Pune.. longer stay this time..Then home again..
And tomorrow I'm leaving for college again.
This is 'cause the end semesters begin on this 9th, as soon as they get over on the 17th, I'm planning to work on a Mumbai Moot.. till 24th.. and finally, leaving for a winter internship at Delhi on the 25th..
Fortunately this would mean no mash up with places nearby S till the 25th December.
And when I return, I'd be too awaited for family, so probably, I'd save the tears.
January itself would mean the new semester excitement followed by the Mumbai Moot Trip.. So there's no way I'm thinking about him till then.
This seems like escapism, but somehow, this is the only thing that seems to have worked well enough.
Smoking doesn't suffice as well.
Winning competition made me cry like Shit and that's when I realized, that neither winning nor losing would now make a difference.. I just need to keep moving to different places all the time.
I terribly miss him along. But, on the way those thoughts of him keep reminding me that somewhere along he's there.. and somehow or the other, he'll find a way out of it..though this sounds insane, but I can never believe that he's no more now. It just doesn't make itself believe-worthy to me.