Saturday, 29 December 2012

After All.

After everything, I don't want to change anything around me. Acceptance is the new deal.
I want me to be pious in the deeds. I want to appreciate every piece of world the way it comes to me. After criticizing, being let down, letting down, falling down, scratching the wounds, it's time for healing.
The healing is drawing peace. Peace not within the outside, but with self in realization.
I've realized that the only way I am gonna get through time is by drawing peace with that thing.

With Dad. 19 years of knowing him meant a lot of questioning, a lot of times not trying to understand what he meant, the reasons he meant those things. Every time, I was wrong. Every time, I failed to understand his intentions. Now, I think before I act rude. There sure were problems, but those problems were majorly because of me. Because I never valued what I had. He never acted like I couldn't be forgiven, when if I would have been in his position, it would've been pretty hard for me to let go of those things. I love him. And, I took 19 years to realize that I didn't need a reason for that. I can't 'not' love him 'cause he couldn't afford the better car, or for he couldn't let me go abroad for that stupid internship. I love him and I can't put a  cause to it. There's nothing that I can do that can ever suffice what he has been to me. A better father than anyone can ever think of. He loved me even when I behaved like I hated him. It's hard to forgive myself for who I was at a point of time.


With Muma, I couldn't ever convey what I really meant. She has been the best for me, I was rude and bad at a point of time, often I still am, but I never meant anything for wrong. I always wanted to protect her, to expand the horizon of how she looked at things. I wanted the negative perception to be turned to the one that was appreciative, the lesser doubtful, happy person. But, I feel I fail at it. 'cause none of the things really affect her. Nothing. Like I make no sense to her.
I might not be a good person, but for her I never ever meant anything wrong. I loved her more than I ever loved anyone, yet I failed with everything in her case. I can't stop trying. But, things won't stop falling apart.

They say, never choose someone who has to think twice about choosing you. For a lot of my other confused relations, that answers pretty much everything.

21 comments:

  1. I have been terrible to my parents for not giving into my needs. I've never felt worse in my life.

    ✗ℴ✗ℴ ♡

    +To Me It Matters+

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  2. Sometimes, it's hard to open up.. perhaps it's time to try.. after all, it's all anyone can do. Is try. Good luck to you and make it happen.

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  3. Happens at times with everyone, but sometimes you just don't have a way...
    Love..

    Take Care

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  4. I could read your writing all day. Always so introspective. May 2013 bring the peace you seek.

    Keith

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  5. With parents, it is a never ending battle...I am still fighting my own...They never let me be at peace...But still we love them...In spite of all their harsh words, all their bitter feelings...
    Love

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  6. I went through a very rough patch with my parents, especially my mom, before I found peace with them both. It was my own doing and it was a growing process, my way of becoming my own person. My dad was the best dad in all the land and my mom wasn't to shabby herself before she got sick =)

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  7. Thank you for your comment in my blog, of Good Wishes for the New Year.

    I wish them for you too!

    And a Happy New Year's Eve Wish, as well....

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  8. 'Acceptance is the new deal.' -- An excellent way to be.
    xx
    Lulu
    Breakfast After 10

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  9. I'm very close to my mother, but at the same time sometimes its difficult for me to convey somethings to her
    things will get better...keep patience

    Happy 2013 :)

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  10. The truth is we will never appreciate our parents until we become parents ourselves. Only then will the full weight of our past actions bear down on us. YOu are young and I am glad that you have come to such a realization - that they will always love you.

    Wishing you Happy New Year ~

    Cheers ~

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  11. Realizations about Mother hit me 2 years ago. It seems like yesterday, though.
    I so failed Mother. I just keep trying. I can't stop.

    xoxo

    Sarang

    Life's Perceptions

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  12. Parents always love the children and yours too love you as much! Stay blessed and happy in the New Year:)

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  13. hey! i've seen some of your posts and i really love your purposes! i hope you also like mine and i invite you tofollow each other, id like to stay in touch and see automaticaly our new posts! sincerely wish you all the best for this 2013 darling!

    loads of love from www.malesclutch.blogspot.com
    Sergio,

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  14. Your post speaks to my heart. There are powerful lessons here.

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  15. thats like rounding off an year long struggle with parents... i guess that will always be there if one is to grow up despite the fact that all that they want is the good of their kids...

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  16. amazingly expressed!
    Time indeed is the best teacher!

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  18. okay. listen well now.

    mom n dad. most important thing in anyones life. you may think they are wrong at a particular point and whatever, but no matter what, dont you stop loving them. be grateful. because you owe them. and they will never put it this way. what way its supposed to be put in, only dads n moms know.

    mujhe ni pata. jo pata tha bata diya!

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