Friday, 23 November 2012

The Mansion.

There it stood, within it's wilderness, in the season of winter, draping and losing it's sheath. The red mansion was pretty, had it's own aura. The large glass doors and windows added to the charm. The front porch had a palm tree which added to it's glory.
'Is this our new house Mommy?' asked Amanda with a smile of amazement. With magnified eyes and a little nod, Zora passed away a smile. Happiness flew from within itself on the thought of having to stay in a mansion as pretty and huge as this.


'Won't Daddy come along?' was Amanda's next curious question. Since the divorce, this was Zora's first venture away from Zyed's home. She thought for a moment, they were practically in the same city. But Amanda's custody was with Zora now. She twisted Amanda's attention away from it by showing her the inscription on the palm tree.
It read 'Aman'. They surpassed it, and started checking the ground floor. The ground floor was welcomed by an entrĂ©e, followed by the drawing and the dining interconnected. The right side had a staircase leading it to the first floor.
The first floor opened into a room with windows on three sides of the wall, it was an open spaced room with hooded ceiling. The room had a different aura about itself.
While Zora opened the windows, she was taken aback by the sound of a child crying. She went downstairs to check on Amanda. Amanda was playing in the sand by the Palm tree, she gave Zora a smile and showed her the little sand castle she was trying to make out of it.
The entire day passed by in unpacking the luggage. In the evening Amanda and Zora went for a stroll.
'Did you just move into the 21st South Avenue?' asked a lady as she noticed the new appearances.
'Indeed, aren't we right beside each other?' was Zora's nodding response, 'Oh..yes..Welcome to the South Avenue, may I know your name little darling?' Aisha extended a hand towards Amanda and held hers for a moment. Shying away and hiding behind Zora, Amanda narrated her name.
'It's pretty cold these days, the winters are chilling and the snow's about to show up in a few..'.
'Yeah, it's the time of the year when the hail storms might just occur..'
'Are you related to the Rosewoods?'.
'No..we rented it from the McGuire's, were the Rosewoods living here?'.
'The Rosewoods owned this mansion for the last twenty two years. A year ago, they left this place and  sold it. Since then, three families moved in and out.. You're the fourth ones. McGuire's stayed here for  two days after they moved in, however just like the last two, they left as well.'
'People don't like it much.. or what's the deal with this place?'
'They all say the same story..'
A sudden thunder sound meant that Zora rushed indoors to close the windows and doors. Amanda collected her toys from the backyard and helped Zora.
As Zora stepped towards the room on the first floor, she felt a drag, as if someone pulled her legs from behind towards the ground floor. The crying sound made her feel like Amanda was scared, she hushed it away, saying Wait Sweety, Mommy would be right there. She caressed the hand that held her thigh.
As she closed the outer window from the first floor, she spotted Amanda on the road dancing in the snow that had started falling, she looked back and there was no one.

Amanda..sweets..the dinner's ready..let's eat Amanda..come to Mommy.. Amanda lied sound asleep in the couch right in front of the television. All of a sudden, the sound of a crying of a baby instilled, like it came from the first floor. Zora climbed up the staircase and suddenly, the electricity went off. There were sheer silence for a moment, which was accompanied by the sound of a moving cradle with tuning toys over it. All of a sudden, it started sounding like a baby was crying. Zora was taken aback by the moment she saw two little kids standing right in front of her.
The electricity got back, and the kids were gone. Zora was taken aback by the presence, and moments later, all she felt was unhappiness which made her cry.
She felt like she could sense their presence. Like they narrated a story.
She felt like she was in the room with the kids, with other people roaming around as well.. And Mr. Rosewood was off the town, where Mrs Rosewood stayed home with the caretakers. Mrs Rosewood went out for a while, when the two servants out of vengeance against Mr Rosewood, threw the kids in the cradle from the first floor. 
Zora felt a drive to take Amanda away from this presence, and rushed outside taking Amanda in her lap never to return to this place.

P.S. The place where I live is in front of the Red Mansion. Aman died in 2010, who was a son of the Chabra's. Since they've left, any family that moved in here couldn't survive for more than 5 days. The front haunted room(as they call it) is the place where they still hear a child crying, and the inscription in the tree remains visible since they've left. The last family that lived here, told me this story, and they were threatened enough to not step in to pack their own stuff.

Saturday, 17 November 2012

Tracing the steps back.

'So you didn't clear things up with her yet?'  asked S with that little half way smile on his face, like he knew my answer.
'Nooo..' with a little happiness was my answer.
'Are you sure, we're going for this trip?', that's when it propped into my head, how many risks I was taking, all for once and once for all.
Not that I was fooling anyone, just that while interning, I would go with him for weekend breaks to Pushkar and Goa for once. 
It won't matter in the long run probably. I'll be with him, that will count. He unleashed a stroke of my hair and started tangling it around his finger while staring with a happy face.
This has been his nervous gesture. Normally, when he doesn't want things to go wrong, he would either start tapping his feet or look at me holding a stare.
I shifted from one foot to another within the confusion. For once nothing mattered, I just wanted to be in this moment. 
'Do you know, we could cancel this as well.. I mean if you don't want to take this, we can plan things later?'
Stepping a step closer to him, I said 'I'm not scared anymore.'
This was a bigger truth than my realization. Priorly with him, I was always scared of everything. Of thinking I wasn't justified in my actions. When not with him, it bothered that I was unjustified in my actions. He bent a little and caught hold of my lips via his, and it lasted longer than I had anticipated.
I realized that the thing holding onto this was selflessness. He never expected anything from me, but to love him. For him, there were no conditions. Just hopes that one day I will eventually marry him.
Dreams.
'How long has it been?' was his question, with that smurf smiling face.
I said '1032 days..'.

and I woke up from the dream and stared within the darkness into the reality.
It has been 1032 days since he died and it seems like I was still with him till yesterday.
Sometimes, knowing and believing are entirely different things.

Monday, 12 November 2012

And about him, no one cared.

As he crumbled down within the wrath of pain that wrangled in his body, they stood still looking keenly at him.
And when he broke down to the infallible pain, that crushed his control of hand, a part of his mouth, the walking and the posture, they still glared.
Then when he went to sleep, they cursed him for being responsible for all of it.
For being too bad a human, to suffer this. To being unjustified in his actions, towards them.
They cursed him till he cried in his sleep.
Instead of taking care, they are still pushing him lower and lower.
The wrath of time had meant that he wasn't as mentally sound as they were. He failed and coped and failed.
Till they declared him incompetant.
When he stood the odds, making choice of doing nothing, 'cause he couldn't, they blamed him for upholding insane actions.
Then, when he resisted, they took him to the doctor, who drugged him till he was drenched in this pain.
Downstairs, as I went to talk to him about the last letter he wrote to me, I was crushed while I looked at him.
Not my brother, but he has been my true brother in every aspect of time. From protecting me in kindergarten, to slapping the principal for my sake. He is more than just my brother.
The fuckin' society thinks he's a laughing stock, they can accept or reject him.
He can't keep track of me, so he writes letters. And whenever, I am home, he asks me to read them.
From petty issues of how his mother doesn't understand, (she being a divorcee, who lost her sanity in the pursuit of handling her marital relations, and gave birth to this brother of mine) and how, his nani (the grandmother) can't stop cursing him. How the two brothers often question his actions, and how he is subjected to the wrath.
The problem is, ever since my grand-father died, we live in dillusion, confusion, unhappiness. He was the reason the family had a stand. Now, we're like crumbled mash ups. Grandpa, A and I were really close. A and I literally lived a different life for years after grandpa died. We're in the same times again.
This time, the wrath is in the worst of the forms. They drugged him. I have no clue what it is. He lost the control of his body. He is crumbling. He couldn't speak, 'cause a part of his mouth was like differently stuck, his hands, both of them positioned themselves in a cornered way, and got stuck just like that, his legs..he couldn't walk, his body is in pain..entirely.
All he did was wrote me a message on the phone, that the doctor had asked the injection to be taken after 20 days, and today itself, they gave me the injection, ever since I cant do anything.
I couldn't do anything but stand struck back.
I asked him to sleep.. I cleared his bed, caressed his hair.. and apologised for having to subject him to this world.. I couldn't say how sorry I was.. I had gone to give him his diwali gift..
And I didn't do anything. I couldn't do anything.
I have never felt this powerless.
This much like a loser in every aspect.
Why can't I help it.

Sunday, 4 November 2012

Moving Away.

I don't know if this serves the purpose and suffices as a solution, but yes I'm doing everything to find my way out of the place where I am at, right now.
I have a plan of consecutive trips going on and off incessantly, so that I run out of times of confrontations with self.
I boarded off to Jodhpur in the first go, stayed there for 10 days, returned.. spent a few days at home..followed by a few days at the hostel of college.. then boarded for Pune.. stayed there for a day.. then Dharwad, Karnataka.. then back to Pune.. longer stay this time..Then home again..
And tomorrow I'm leaving for college again.
This is 'cause the end semesters begin on this 9th, as soon as they get over on the 17th, I'm planning to work on a Mumbai Moot.. till 24th.. and finally, leaving for a winter internship at Delhi on the 25th..
Fortunately this would mean no mash up with places nearby S till the 25th December.
And when I return, I'd be too awaited for family, so probably, I'd save the tears.
January itself would mean the new semester excitement followed by the Mumbai Moot Trip.. So there's no way I'm thinking about him till then.

This seems like escapism, but somehow, this is the only thing that seems to have worked well enough.
Smoking doesn't suffice as well.
Winning competition made me cry like Shit and that's when I realized, that neither winning nor losing would now make a difference.. I just need to keep moving to different places all the time.
I terribly miss him along. But, on the way those thoughts of him keep reminding me that somewhere along he's there.. and somehow or the other, he'll find a way out of it..though this sounds insane, but I can never believe that he's no more now. It just doesn't make itself believe-worthy to me.