As I told him on the phone I'll be just fine and gave the best possible explanation to how and why (totally fake and not meaning a word of it) I knew it was time to kill sometime within the pillows in my room hiding away the things that hadn't found a way out in a long time. I kept telling him that this is not the end and that happiness was a choice, not option (In my heart, I kept thinking about ways to kill myself as nothing but a feeling like this was the end kept perching within me). He said you know what you mean to me, and I was willing to sacrifice everything, yet it didn't seem like it was going to work. I said that it was noone's fault, and I wasn't blaming anyone (Inside, I was blaming myself for everything, like everything I choose and everything I start believing in, comes breaking apart, so the problem lies in choices).
With that, I kept the phone down, silently crossed the hall without a murmur out of my mind, taking a bite from Pa's plate while he was eating.
As I entered my room, I shut the windows, with all the peace that I could possibly gather, shut the exit knob of the door sealing every possible exit. I curtained the windows and the doors, shut the light. Collapsing on the bed I cried like never before.
It felt like nothing meant anything to me now. Like everything kept defeating me telling me that everything was going to end. Like I wasn't meant to be alive.
I bluntly started searching for the blade I had hidden beneath the mattresses, something I hadn't seen in long. Somehow, giving myself more pain hides away the pain in my head, so I cut my hands as brutally as I can in such times.
With that I took the last resort, stuffing myself with sleeping pills, probably 4, strong enough to make me fall asleep and lesser than the amount sufficed to kill me, and started humming myself to sleep.

In a few minutes, I heard someone knocking on the door of my room. Strangely, it was him. He said he really wanted to talk to me. I was blurred between reality and dreaming. Somehow, dragging myself towards the door, he held me and kissed my forehead.
I noticed he was all dressed in formals, like this was some occassion. I washed my face before thinking of where this was all going.
I saw he was here with his parents. His parents were talking to mine.
They were discussing some celebration.
I wasn't in the state of mind to understand or interpret, I just composed myself in the hall, looking at Stevie (our dog) who kept wagging his tail towards him and lapping me with his saliva.
He asked me to stand up, kissing my cheek he said 'Now that the largest formality of making our parents agree to this has been sought, S**** T**** , will you marry me? bending on his one knee and taking out a ring from within his right hand.
I was seconds away from fainting and floating, like I was the happiest person alive, soo happy that the state of mind can't find a way out.

And then I checked the clock, it was 6.00 in the evening. The dream had ended, I kept staring out of the window.

This was one of the dreams I don't think I am ever going to forget. Minutes after I am up, I make this entry, to keep it forever alive.
Sometimes, I believe this is going to happen. Atleast, I love to believe in it.

Blogger family is giving me the best welcome back feeling. I feel the connection between us. It keeps giving me good reasons to always be here. Always. :)


  1. Some dreams are just like that, keepers and when we can capture them head to paper we are saving it's memory forever!

  2. wwooooo... you got me shivering..
    wonderfully written...

  3. you took me to a different world :) very well written!

  4. you took me to a different world :) very well written!

  5. I actually thought it had happened.
    Or probably it will, may be in the near future.

    Ma'am, you have some powerful dreams. What do you do for that? #Justsking. :D

  6. Who knows, maybe you're still stuck in a limbo :P

  7. Well WE are ALL glad you're back that's for sure. You captured this dream so vividly. Such a good idea to write about it upon waking so as to immediately capture it in words forever.

  8. I'm usually stuck in oblivion after dreams like this so putting pen to paper or rather finger to keyboard is usually not on the immediate-activities list but this was lovely.Really.
    And glad you're back.:)

  9. Oh I actually thought it really had happened. Oh and welcomr back. :D
    I love to see you writing again! :)

  10. somehow, the movie jab we met flashed my mind, for whatever reasons...

    ok, good thing is this is a dream, now you have a fair idea of sleeping through such an ordeal :)) and of course wake up more alive and vibrant

  11. it will happen. and when it does, you will know you could have never dream it.

  12. Some dreams stick to you...and you really feel that it is happening to you. I rarely have dreams these nights.....I wish they come back :)

  13. Those dreams are so strange, they seem to take you to another sort of life.


  14. I feel a little disturbed when I hear people cutting themselves! :/
    But beautifully written! :)



  15. What a dream! So tangible. You are a great writer.

  16. a struggle between reality & Dream..Reality is finally better than Dream..Still life is but a Dream..penned beautifully :) GOD<3U

  17. Corrections. Thinking beyond, is my only piece of cake.

    As for what you need to know, you see it where you need to. It may not even be there, but such was dire need that it was found there all the same.

  18. Sometimes we dream of a world we wish we lived in.

    ✗ℴ ♡

    +To Me It Matters+

  19. I hope this dream does come true .. very gracefullyy written !

  20. When do I see you publishing your book?

    1. That line made my day.
      I hope you are who I want you to be.


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