We’re temporary people with permanent lives, I don’t know how far into this you’ll agree with me, but we’re temporary, but our lives are permanent. And frankly, you quoting 45 or 50 doesn’t make sense to me, ‘cause age doesn’t define love, never did, never will. For those of us who truly fall into love, time ceases to exist as a concept, time and again this has been shown, they didn’t need to be 20 to fall in love or 40 for that fact, emotionally speaking our understanding of love is not conditional to time or place.
I agree when you said that there are levels to a relationship, I agree that they reach there in due course of time, however for those of us who live in the moment, falling in love becomes living in love each instant. So, for me, when I look at you, I see you and me together right now, and as I blink my eye, I see the years to come within the same vision. You will never be more important to me than my own existence, however in my head, your existence and mine stand at par. I respect yours as much as I love mine, and so if either of the two ceases to exist, it will break me for a while, but like I said before, ‘cause we’re infinite beings I’ll teach me to exist without you and you’ll do the same (I have learnt this in due course of time), it doesn’t mean that I’ll love you any less right now. No matter how practical you try to sound when you say you can’t love me, I’ll not block me from loving you. You can keep seeking your reasons, that’s your reality, I’m choosing to define mine by consciously choosing to love you. Frankly when you said that it takes years for people to reach that stage, I’d say they take a lot of time in truly understanding how they feel, and it’s a disadvantage for them (or maybe not, that’s for them to see).
Also, when you said that you don’t think its important to find the other half cause you don’t think that a thing like that exists, I felt slightly sad for you. But then again, that’s your reality. I’ve always felt like we’re all halves or quarters or one millionths, and our parts are the ones around us. Especially that version where you look for the half convinces me, be it when i see my parents or my grandparents, they’re like yin and yang, they complete each other. You said that there’s no pre-defined person waiting for you, it could be true, it could be true for me or for you, maybe cause they’re around or maybe cause you’ve closed your eyes. Part of me believes there’s fun in finding things, so I’ve always been trying to find that one person, and frankly, when I lost S, I lost my faith in the existence of the other half and hence the years of depression (I wouldn’t question how much you believe in it, that’s your story, but I can’t ever explain it- this follows Joseph Conrad’s understanding of the world where he says that I will never ever be able to explain my version of reality, ‘cause only I’ve experienced it, alone). But I fixed me. I looked for answers, read a lot, and found my truth which said that there are so many more other halves, ‘cause we’re all basically parts of one whole, so we’re all in this together, this was my fix. I started looking at the world in a different light. I understand your practical take on life when you talk about people randomly meeting, finding common traits and just simply living together. But this doesn’t negate my impractical *read MAGICAL take on life, where I believe we’re unbelievably blessed and everything’s Magic! So my take on losing S was the world trying to teach me a lesson of understanding loss and then to help me rebuild myself. My take on finding you was the universe fixing things for me. I don’t expect you to understand it, however, ‘cause we’ll always have a different take, I’d wish you respect mine.
As far as your priorities are concerned, the first thing I think that made me fall for you was the fact that you love yourself. ‘cause I believe that’s the most important thing, that’s where the very understanding of love begins from. So, I had to teach me to love myself (and not hate- I know you don’t think the two are different things, but trust me they are). And guess what, I did, to such an extent that now, there’s no going back. I love myself beyond every form of love I’ve experienced and so far, on that account we’re pretty similar.
As far as your priority on love in your life is concerned, I’d say please go forth with your flings and things you think are important. I told you a million times, you’re to never feel like you’re trapped, trust me that’s the last thing I can afford. So, even if you’re considering leaving all you need to do is blink your eye. You don’t have to care about the rest. Or for that fact, being with someone else.
Lastly, you don’t have to tell me that you love me when you don’t. I understand, and only seek your truth. I’m really glad you gave me your truth.
|“You can love somebody without it being like that. You keep them a stranger, a stranger who's a friend.” |
― Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany's