Sometimes I see the world as a deception. A complete lie.

They tell you M's fine, when it's growing inside her, the cancer. The world is lying.

C smiles. Changes the floor of her house. Then leaves that house. To herself, she's lying.

C finds another house. Finds new people. Then in the crowds, she feels alone. To the new people she's lying.

A smiles and prays for her, tells her she's beautiful. He loses his faith in himself, his life and buries everything inside with a smile on that face. He's lying.

S's been dead for six years now. Six years.
Looking at his sister breaks me into pieces.
Every time I lose more than I can fix.
The cancer is back inside M.

This is probably why I never wanted to live. Every day is about defending why not-to-die.

Don't try to wake me up in the morning, 'cause I'll be gone.
Don't feel bad for me, I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart, I will feel so glad to go.


  1. Well, that's not precisely the way to begin a productive weekend. Don't fall down the stairs, don't jump from the roof or in front of a speeding train.

    There a a great deal that you add to the world around you whether or not you have to practice a bit of self-deception to get through the day.

    I look in the mirror and tell myself that I'm not a day older than I was yesterday. It's a lie, but a convenient one.

  2. Pretending to be happy and satisfied, we are all living a lie. But this really breaks my heart, not lying. Things can't get any worse now it only gets better. Have faith.

  3. Hope is the only thing which makes us to move on...

  4. What can I say? I have felt that deep despair that seemed to go on forever. Yes I've felt that way before and came through... but the last time was so deep, even I wasn't sure it was worth it. Although it was long rough road I can see where life is worth being here.

    I've read tragic and disparaging life stories and how they rose above it and became stronger. Hope really is a good thing even when it's painful... there is good ♡♡

  5. Man, this is so visceral and raw. It's scary to read but too beautiful and real not to be read over and over again.

  6. Positive can over come negative if we don't give in. I know it is easy to talk, but the more we fight the harder it will be for hardships to get us.


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